Shirtless in a Car I Don't Own, Covered in Syrup, with an Empty Baby Seat in Back: Just an Average Weekend

Alright other than the story that led to the title of this weekend's recap it was a little bit of an uneventful weekend. But the story is one of those that just makes me think that my life is way too much like Larry David's sometimes. Larry David is the guy that George from Seinfeld is based on and the star of the TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm. Like David, I find myself wondering a lot of the time, "how did I get myself in this position?"  Dating a female drug dealer who was also a practicing witch and ending up in the woods by the Grand Canyon sleeping in a tent covered in blood are just a few of those examples. I'm sure I'll tell the story of the witch sometime when I feel like reliving my terrible dating past, but for now on to this weekend's shenanigans.

The story is actually pretty simple. Jenn and I were eating breakfast at the cafe by the gym where her boys have basketball games on the weekend. We were watching her grandson Zach, when our food got to the table. After one bite of hash browns, I managed to spill the entire container of syrup on my lap. I sat there in shock for a while, as the hot syrup dripped onto my shorts, and legs and...well apparently syrup seeps through clothing quickly because I would be sticky in unmentionable areas until I got a chance to shower later that day. After the shock wore off, I bolted to the bathroom and tried to wipe it off. As it turns out syrup is pretty much the worst thing you can spill on yourself because it doesn't come out with water. It just becomes more lubricated.

I rushed out of the bathroom and before I really considered what I was doing I asked Jenn for her keys, explained that I couldn't go to the games like this, and took off for the car. When I got to the car, I realized if I sat directly on the seat it would be nearly impossible to get the syrup out of her upholstery without some serious cleaning. I was about to make my way back to the restaurant to see if there was something I could bring with to sit on, but realized how embarrassing it would be to walk all the way through again with my crotch still covered in syrup. I decided to do something far less embarrassing by taking my shirt off in the parking lot of a crowded diner, right as the people in the car parked next to us were leaving the restaurant. Somewhere there is a really confused family of 4, wondering while a chubby guy took his shirt off while they were walking toward their car and then put it on his car seat before getting in.

Every time I came to a light, my embarrassment sunk in a little further because I'm not exactly the type that just parades around shirtless all the time. I had just realized that I was in such a hurry to get home, I had forgotten my cell phone at the table. That's when it all really sunk in. Considering that I was speeding by about 20 miles over the limit to get home, it wouldn't have been shocking if I had gotten pulled over. I can't imagine the difficulty I would have had trying to explain why I was shirtless, fumbling around trying to find the registration for a car I clearly didn't own with an empty baby seat in back, all while the car was filled with the delicious scent of maple syrup. To add insult to injury I knew if a cop didn't buy my story, I had no phone to call Jenn to pick me up at the police station.

Other than that bit of ridiculousness it was a quiet weekend, trying to beat the nearly 120 degree temps in Phoenix. The triple digits in nearly every corner of the state confirmed there was no place to go this weekend to escape the heat. For this reason we stuck close to home and spent most of the weekend indoors by going to movies, or watching movies on the couch. The pools weren't too hot to be community baths yet, so that helped some with the heat as well. The other reason we didn't do anything too adventurous this weekend is the upcoming road trip we have planned for the first two weeks of July. I'll give the run down of that in a future story, but I'm sure I'll find myself in some sort of similarly ridiculous and nearly impossible to explain situation at some point as we explore the U.S.