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| A slightly different version of cuddling on the couch this year |
To say that my 32nd year on this planet was an interesting one is a bit of an understatement. This year I experienced some of the highest highs and the absolute lowest lows I've ever dealt with over the course of 366 days (that's right it was a leap year just to add an extra day of misery). When I ushered in my 32nd year I had never been more optimistic about a coming year. One year ago I sat cuddled up with the person I thought was the love of my life watching something on Netflix looking forward to a bright future. Today, as I brace for 33, I'm sitting on my couch writing this watching my dog continue to trash my apartment with the debris of rope toys. Despite this I'm still optimistic about my 33rd year on the planet. That optimism springs from the hundreds of life lessons I've learned this year. I think it's important to take some time to reflect on some of the toughest, most important, and memorable lessons of another year of my life.
If someone can look you in the eye and lie about anything, they are capable of lying about everything.
I hate to start off with a complete downer but this was probably the most important and toughest one to swallow. The first time I asked her to look me in the eyes and promise something, seemed like the most simple request imaginable: "Look me in the eye and tell me you'll stop talking to the last guy you were with before me." The request came on the day after we made things official and it was in response to her posting a flirty comment inviting him to meet her out after she promised me she was headed home for the night. She looked me square in the eyes and said she would never do it again. This of course wouldn't hold true and it wouldn't be the last time she would look me in the eyes and make a promise that she couldn't uphold. Despite this occurring a number of times, I always believed there was no way she ever cheated on me. A series of events after our final breakup would lead not only to me finding out she was capable of lying about that too, but led as far as the guy she cheated with backing me up in a Facebook war of words. The lesson here is very simple, if someone lies to my face I'm won't be keeping them in my life long enough to do it again.
The phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater" can be amended slightly to "once a remorseless cheater, always a cheater".
I refuse to be so cynical to believe that people cannot change. However, one thing I have become painfully aware of is that the major driver of that change has to be remorse. This doesn't apply just to cheating but to every negative action in life. Any person who blames others for the bad things they have done will never stop doing those things. Throughout the relationship I had been able to determine without asking point blank if she had cheated while she was still married to her ex-husband. The excuse, which should have had me running for the hills, was that it was his fault because he didn't show enough affection. It should come as no surprise to anyone that this would be the same excuse she would use after I found out she cheated on me. The lesson here is when the conversation comes up with a future partner about cheating, the follow up question needs to be, "Did you feel guilty?". If the answer is no and shifting blame, then I know exactly what I"m in for.
I am so capable of love that I'm completely willing to overlook even the reddest red flags.
This may sound a little sad and slightly pathetic, but I really do look at it as a positive. When I met she who will remain nameless, I was at a point in my life where I was really starting to doubt that love was something I was capable of feeling toward a partner. I hadn't been in a relationship with someone I was serious about for almost 5 years. It was getting easier than ever to just turn and walk away at the slightest hint that a potential relationship might have rough patches. I would flee before I got too invested. I know this sounds like an excuse for being a jerk, and in some ways it is, but it was easier to walk away than risk getting hurt (
sorry Tam). This relationship proved that I'm very capable of feeling love, to the point that I may have felt it toward someone whose view of it is warped. I could view this as discouraging but I choose to be encouraged for future relationships.
The only thing standing in the way of an adventure is being unwilling to walk out the door.
The absolute highlight of this year was the road trip I took this summer. Despite everything that followed in our personal relationship afterward, I'm grateful that she was there to take me serious when I suggested hitting the road for 2 weeks. I'd like to believe, I would have made this trip someday because I've dreamed of taking the (really) long way back to North Dakota since I moved down here. But the truth is I'll never know if it would have happened otherwise. Those 13 days on the road showed me just because something seems "strange" to "normal" people doesn't mean I have to share their opinion. I have every intention of taking another trip this summer. Destination unknown, but I suspect this year's copilot will be cute and furry and we'll argue a lot less!
The most well-intentioned apology can be screwed up by subsequent actions.
Even though I'm pretty open in the stuff I've posted to this site, Facebook, Instagram or any of the other array of social media sites, there is one thing I haven't really talked about. In my post after the Grand Canyon I talked about wanting to apologize for being a terrible person to someone I had dated years ago. After the breakup I took my chances in hopes that she wouldn't tell me to screw off and die. She accepted and we started to work on becoming friends again. Unfortunately, I was not in a good place mentally and I kept pushing for more. Needless to say this was not a great way to show her I hadn't apologized with ulterior motives. She may not have told me to "screw off and die" but I'm pretty sure she thought it. Chalk it up as the final in a long series of regrets about how I handled everything with her. If we never talk again, I am sorry for so much. I guess the only lesson here is not to screw up so badly if I'm faced with a similar opportunity to right something I've done wrong.
Taking 5 minutes to turn around could have saved me 3 hours of travel time.
This is just an important relationship lesson for any guy, if you're girlfriend hints that she wants to stop for coffee while traveling: STOP AT THE FIRST AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY OR TURN BACK IF NECESSARY!!! I cannot stress this enough as an important lesson. The debate of whether we had already passed the gas station that morning or were just coming upon it when she hinted she wanted coffee is forever lost to the ages. The lesson is not. My logical brain thought "well, we need to stop in Vegas so she can use WiFi to check in with work anyway. What's the harm in waiting 20 more minutes?" Her more emotional thought process was "He's ignoring my needs. He's an asshole." What followed was 3 hours of the coldest most awkward silence sitting in a Vegas Starbucks doing work that should have probably only taken 20 minutes. We didn't make it very far that day, surprise....surprise.
Always be sure to clarify who you're yelling at when upset with traffic.
While at Yellowstone Park I made what amounted to a near nuclear warfare mistake while suffering from mild road rage. Traffic had gotten backed up because someone had spotted a bear and gotten out of their vehicle to take pictures. Upset that everyone else in line was doing the exact same thing, I yelled out "Don't get out of the f*$%ing car!" at the exact same moment that a certain person was reaching for the door handle. I attempted to explain that it wasn't directed at her and said "Go ahead" but the damage was done. Another huge blowup could have been avoided by simply rephrasing to add one extra word at the end like "man" or "jerk". I assume she wouldn't have thought I was calling her either of those things.
There is a reason dog crates are a good investment.
This one is very simple to explain:
Explained!
Redwoods State and National Parks may be my favorite place on the planet.
Oh, I know I still have a lot to see, but Redwoods is definitely my favorite place so far. As much as I love living in Phoenix, I have decided that I'm open to making a move to this area of Northern California if I ever get the chance. I have never felt more of a connection with a place than I did in the few hours I spent walking through the redwoods and the rest of the day spent driving through. If anyone has any job connections in cities like Eureka, Redwood, Arcata, McKinleyville, or even one of the smaller towns in the area please hook me up!
If you spill syrup on yourself, just take an extra minute or two to wipe yourself down and grab some paper towels before you drive home to change.
I wrote an article titled:
I don't think I need to explain any further than that.
People love a comedy, but they love a tragedy much more.
I always thought the key to getting people to read my stuff would be making it funny and light-hearted. Yet my number one all-time post came with a twist ending, that even I never saw coming. Thirteen great days on the road were followed by the day that meant the death sentence for our relationship, it was never the same after that even when we tried to patch it up a few months down the road. But I guess if you refer to the first lesson again, we were set on that destination on day one. This post remains my most read with nothing else ever really coming close before or after it.
If you want loyalty, get a dog.
What has helped me more than anything during the troubling end to an interesting year?
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| This guy! |
I honestly don't know if I would have been able to resist the temptation to try struggling through a doomed relationship again and again without my buddy, Rogue. Having him around always gives me something to focus on in those moments when the loneliness starts to creep up on me. There is nothing quite like having something so happy to see you the moment you walk in the door, no matter how terrible a day has been. It's nearly impossible to feel anything but happiness when I see him. Fingers crossed, my 33rd year on the planet will involve finding a woman who makes me feel the same when I see her and of course I hope that feeling is mutual.
When all else fails, shave my head, get back into running, and write.
There has been one tried and true solution to getting a fresh start for me. Shave my head and start running. For some reason it works every time. It's strange and slightly superstitious but shaving my head makes me feel like I'm getting rid of the negative energy my hair had been exposed to. Running gets my physically active and my improved health increases my confidence. Writing is the hobby that gets my mind off of the other things that are dragging me down. Even when I write about negative things, I don't feel bad as I do it. I feel a sense of joy in doing something I love. To put this in terms that every person can use to get through rough patches in life: do something that makes you feel refreshed and resets your mentality, do a physical activity that makes you feel good about yourself, and focus on something that you are passionate about. I believe doing whatever three things satisfy these criteria are a surefire way to get through anything life can throw at a person.
